Seniors and Romance: Finding Love in Your Golden Years
Posted on September 08, 2016
Your husband passed
away two years ago. You have had time to mourn his loss and now are
ready to move on. Since his passing, you've gained another
grandchild, and you visit your three grandchildren all the time. All
of your children are happy and thriving, but you miss having someone
to share your home with.
Your son suggested
getting a pet to help keep you company while you're at home. Together
you went and adopted a cat from the animal shelter. While your tabby
Marie keeps you company, it's hard to have a conversation with her.
You miss the social scene on date night and being able to double date
You met Bert at the
senior center pool about a year ago. He was swimming laps while you
did your aqua aerobics class. You'd smile and say hello to each other
while you were both leaving the pool. You became friends, and would
chat for a half hour after finishing your workouts. When Bert invited
you to start playing bocce ball with him and his friends you didn't
think much of it. After all, you just gained a new social circle of
When you were
talking on the phone with your daughter, she said “Mom, it sounds
like he really likes you.” You hadn't started to think about dating
again. “But why not?” your daughter asked. “I think it'd be
really good for you, Mom.” Before you know it, you and Bert are
meeting for dinner and a movie once a week. Things are going well,
and your family enjoys spending time with him. Your grandchildren are
soon looking to him as a new grandfather. As time passes, you both
decide that you're ready to merge your lives together.
Now more than ever,
seniors are getting married or starting a new relationship later in
life. While the idea may seem new to you, take a glance around your
social circle. There's probably a couple who got together in their
later years among your friends.
And while you never
anticipated this happening, you're ready to start a life with Bert
while honoring your late husband's memory. Your children and
grandchildren help his memory live on while welcoming in a new dad
But the second time
around isn't the same. You're older, and what you want in life has
changed. Many of the goals of a first marriage such as buying a
house, working a new job, and having children, are no longer goals in
a second marriage. Instead, you're looking for someone to settle into
retirement with, to share travel destinations with you, and to be
your bridge or tennis doubles partner.
Differences in Relationships
slow. When you were younger, everyone kept saying to “take
things slow” and “you have all the time in the world.” Back
then, it never felt like that. Now that you're older, you
understand what they meant. There's no pressure to settle down and
have a family, or to buy a house and save for retirement. You've
already done all that, and can instead enjoy every day of life
without the stress of providing for the future.
similarities. While similarities are important in any
relationship, they're especially important the older you get.
Since you're both retired, you'll be spending a lot more time with
each other. Use the time to explore things you both like to do.
Hike together, play tennis together, go see live theater—the
list goes on. You will enjoy the time spent with each other.
differences. No two people are alike. You're bound to have
your differences, and you're most likely set in the way you do
things. Make sure you both have room to pursue your different
to downsize. Are you moving into his home? Is he moving into
yours? Are you buying or renting a new home together? No matter
your situation, be prepared to downsize. Consider renting a
storage unit so you have a place to temporarily store items. Let
go of furniture and accessories that you no longer need.
fight the adjustment period. As with any relationship, there's
always an adjustment period. This is the time to sync your
lifestyles. You both haven’t lived with a significant other in a
while, and that's going to take some getting used to. Be patient
with one another while you sort out your space.
A New Beginning
You may not have
expected to find love again later in life, but you're sure happy you
did. You and Bert are planning to take the grandchildren to
Disneyland to give your children a break. A trip to Scandinavia is in
the works. You're waking up excited to see where each day takes you.
And the best part? Your cat Marie really loves Bert too.
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