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There’s no doubt that being a caregiver is incredibly hard work. It’s the sweet moments – the good moments of connection and love – that keep caregivers going even when they’re exhausted. Though most caregivers would say that the journey is worth it, that doesn’t negate that the journey is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do.
One of the most difficult parts of caregiving might be learning to put your own needs first. You’ve probably heard the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” That describes the dilemma for many caregivers, who give and give and give, until sometimes it feels like there’s nothing left.
But many caregivers might not have the time or opportunity to do the things that would re-charge their spirits. In that case, they keep forging ahead until, inevitably, they hit the wall. That’s when caregiver stress syndrome begins.
Understanding Caregiver Stress Syndrome
Caregiver stress syndrome occurs when you are physically, mentally, emotionally, and perhaps even spiritually exhausted. It happens when you are so focused on taking care of your loved one that you neglect your own health in a wide variety of ways.
Caregiver stress syndrome can show up in many ways, such as avoiding doctor’s appointments because you don’t have the time to fit them in, or a lack of attention to your eating or sleeping habits, or simply realizing you haven’t breathed fresh air in days.
There are many reasons why caregivers might choose to put themselves on the back burner while they take care of others. For some, it’s just in their nature – they are people who give generously of themselves, sometimes to their own neglect.
They might find that the boundaries are blurred between being a caregiver and a spouse, parent, or adult child. Unrealistic expectations of themselves can also be a problem. This means that they’ll take on more than they can handle so others are not inconvenienced.
And still others have certain health or financial limitations that make their work as a caregiver even more challenging. The result can be caregiver stress syndrome, and that can bring a whole host of additional problems at a time when one more problem feels like the last straw.
The Effects of Caregiver Stress Syndrome
The stress of being a caregiver shows in a wide variety of ways. Over time, the acute stress becomes a chronic problem, and your own health begins to decline. Understanding the effects of caregiver stress syndrome and how to work with each one can help you get back on an even keel.
Depression and anxiety are some of the most common symptoms. According to the Family Caregiver Alliance, somewhere between 40 and 70% of caregivers suffer from depression.1 It’s safe to say that at least that many suffer from anxiety as well. Getting help for depression – from talk therapy to antidepressants to remedies like journaling and prayer – can help you get back on an even keel.
Chronic conditions become more common. Though many caregivers are older and thus might have some medical issues popping up simply due to age, studies have shown that the rate of chronic illness is accelerated among those who are caring for others.
According to the CDC, over 40% of caregivers have two or more chronic diseases, and well over half of caregivers over the age of 65 have at least two chronic conditions.2 This can become a serious issue when a caregiver starts skipping medical care in the interest of having more time or money to contribute to caregiving. The Caregiver Action Network says that almost three-quarters of all caregivers say they don’t get the medical care they need, and more than half of them admit to skipping doctor’s appointments for themselves to give more time to their loved one.3 This lack of care means that chronic conditions can easily get out of control, new problems can go undiagnosed, needed medications won’t be prescribed, and a person’s life expectancy can severely decline.
A lack of sleep is a common problem with caregiver stress syndrome. Sometimes this happens because a loved one needs round-the-clock care and sleeping a solid eight hours becomes impossible for the person charged with providing the care. Anxiety and depression might also contribute to the sleep issue. Though all caregivers might experience a lack of sleep, those who care for someone with dementia are much more likely to not get enough shut-eye. In fact, studies have shown that 94% of those caring for someone with dementia get less than the recommended seven to eight hours of sleep every night. (If this describes you, it might be a good time to consider a button alert for yourself – fatigue can greatly increase your risk of falls and subsequent injury.)
Combine these issues with the physical demands of caring for someone else, the stress of handling the questions from family and friends, being on constant alert for things that might go wrong, and feeling helpless as you watch your loved one decline. The pressure builds on the family caregiver until they are so burned out that they have trouble functioning.
How to Avoid or Recover from Caregiver Stress Syndrome
Fortunately, there are steps you can take to help avoid caregiver stress syndrome – or at least to help reduce the severity.
· Go to the doctor as needed. When you are feeling sick, don’t wait it out – go to the doctor. And when you’re feeling fine, go to the doctor for your routine checkups. Those visits can uncover emerging chronic conditions that need your attention from the very start to keep them from becoming worse. If you aren’t healthy, you can’t effectively care for the people you love.
· Eat well and exercise often. It can be very easy to grab a little snack to keep you going. By the end of the day, you might realize you’ve forgotten to eat but you’re too tired to make anything. The same is true with exercise – you might not get nearly enough and then wonder when you’ll fit it in. Carve out the time for good food and movement, as these are essential to keeping you healthy and happy.
· Reach out for help. Now is the time to get assistance for yourself and your loved one. If you’re lucky, you have friends and family who are willing to step up and provide you with some rest and respite. But if not, there are still other options. Adult day care, respite services, or hiring a professional caregiver or home health aide could all give you some time to rest and recharge. Meal delivery and transportation services are also great options. Look to area agencies, community centers, senior centers, social workers, and support groups to get connected to the help you need.
· Get more sleep. Try to get the recommended seven to nine hours of sleep each night. If you can’t do that every night, shoot for at least six hours – anything less than that and you run the risk of not being cognitively sharp, which can lead to mistakes in day-to-day life that could have far-reaching consequences. If you can’t get at least six hours, it might be time to think about hiring part-time help so you can be “off duty” at night. (By the way, if this describes you, it’s a good idea to turn to an affordable medical alarm for your own peace of mind. Serious fatigue can lead to falls!)
· Talk to a professional. Depression and anxiety can spiral out of control if you don’t get the help you need. Talk therapy can work wonders by allowing you to have a safe place to vent and a professional can offer solutions that could change the course of day-to-day living. Ask your doctor for good recommendations for a counselor. If you can’t see a counselor in person, online therapy is readily available these days.
· Pay attention to chronic illnesses. It can be very easy to decide that you don’t really have the time to deal with a certain condition. And in some cases, you won’t feel the consequences immediately. For instance, you can ignore diabetes for a while and not necessarily feel terrible symptoms, but the whole time, the disease is working in your body, leading to severe problems down the road. Protect yourself by taking care of your health needs right now. It’s worth carving out the time for your own health to avoid more serious problems later.
· Use technology to help you. A medical alert for elderly adults is an obvious choice for those who want a little breathing room. By gifting your loved one with a wireless button alarm, you’re helping to ensure that you’ve got backup at all times. They can simply press the button and get the help they need. That peace of mind can help you live a healthier, fuller life. In addition to medical alert technology, consider other technologies as well, such as a medication dispenser and organizer, video chat when you have to be away for a time, and even video surveillance systems that provide a strong layer of security.
· Be aware of the signs before it’s too late. Don’t sit on the symptoms of caregiver stress syndrome and hope they will go away – they probably won’t. This sort of situation requires action to ensure that you can pull out of the downward spiral and be yourself again. Keeping a journal that details your emotional, mental, and physical health can help you see what’s happening, especially when a pattern begins to emerge. Once you see it, you can get help for it.
Finally, remember to fill your cup. You can’t give anyone what they need if you are so depleted that you can’t even really care for yourself.
Caring for yourself goes beyond the physical – you should also pay attention to your emotional needs, your mental state, and even your spiritual well-being. All these elements work together to get you to a healthy place.
It’s very important to remember that self-care is never “selfish.” It’s something that’s vitally necessary to ensure that you are healthy and in turn, can give to the people who need you.
